Musical Chairs :The Personality Version (Or Excuse Me While I Cry a Moment)

 What is living authentically, exactly? Ive said before, there are mornings I wake up and feel the need to get dressed up. Make up, shoes, jewelry...the whole fancy thing. Then there are other mornings I realize Ive spent a day and a half in the same clothes without a shower. Literally. Sleeping and all. Over time, though, Ive come to love the multiple me's and embrace them each equally. Just like in a group of close friends that we spend time with on a regular basis, giving each one of them their fair share to be who they are and be a part of our lives in whatever special way they fulfill us. Our innermost selves are vying for the same time to shine. Rightfully so. 

 Think about those closest to you in your circle and imagine one of them missing. A piece of your puzzle gone, like an open wound waiting to heal shut. Now imagine that you as a whole, the pieces that make you complete, are not all allowed to be present. Someone is pushed away or asked to leave the party. You're left holding one extra glass for someone not returning. It feels off. Wrong. Like one too many seats in a game of musical chairs and when the record stops, the obvious emptiness where someone clearly belongs is now just a mystery unsolved. A question unanswered. So what if you looked around and saw that missing link, standing in the corner alone and feeling unwelcome?

The thing is, there is always room for more. Even if more chairs have to be dragged in and dusted off. We never want to be the cause of uncomfortable guests or neglected friends. 

 Now open your mind with me a little further. Lets call that pretty little wallflower your silly side. Or maybe she is your fearful self who procrastinates at the idea of a spotlight. How about, the enabler who has all the time in the world for others but just can't seem to spend any quality time at peace within. Then theres always irrationally angry girl. Oh yes, she has a whole lot to say about nothing and for no reason at all usually. Have you ever tried to silence her? She sneaks round to the back door and bursts through loud enough to bring any shindig to a screeching halt.  The thing is, there is no good reason to quiet these ladies (or gents, cause lets face it, some of mine are like 98 year old crotchety men or horny young teenage boys...just keepin it real). Anywho, to shush away our voices is to suppress a part of the whole. A valid and worthy piece of ourselves that should be acknowledged and embraced. 

 One very personal experience i can share (on a more serious note, as opposed to make up vs. no make up) is my bisexuality. It was a turbulent sea i swam, navigating the waters in between gay and straight. I found stereotypes on both sides. Each asking the question, "well, what are you then?" Needing answers I could not fully give. I had been in love with a man. 100% fully and truly. There is no doubt in that statement. So when i fell in love with a woman, that removed the somewhat "acceptable" frame of mind from those who felt that, "if you're gay, you were born that way." So there I was, somewhere in between. I struggled inside that pocket for a while until, and I can't say exactly when or how, one day I just stopped. I stopped treading the water and I allowed myself to float peacefully and allow the current to take me where it wanted me to go. Call it faith or destiny or a sort of giving in. I gave into my inner selves. The once impatient and misunderstood. The multiple voices that would whisper at any given time, "but what about me?" Just because you ignore someone, does not make them nonexistent. Thankfully, they will persist. It is unfair and unjust of us to dismiss a corner of our soul in such ways that will inevitably display a false version of who we are. To others yes, but also to ourselves. Tolerance and acceptance are two very different things. I do not want to only tolerate myself but, accept in every possible form I show up as. 

 Ive been crying a lot lately. Not necessarily out of sadness. I suppose more out of just pure emotions. Some say it must just be hormones. Possibly. Although, I am not in puberty or menopause, nor do I have the pregnancy glow (that would be interesting though). :) Instead, I have got very little warning and control over these new mini flash floods that sneak up on me at various times and cause the waterworks to flow. The little lady of the house has even caught on. Its become a family joke, "uh oh look out, mom is gonna cry". You think I'm exaggerating for the sake of my story? Within the last week I have teared up or flat out balled at all of the following: an article about an elephant, a Sam Smith song, a baby picture of Paris, my W2B sleeping, 3 birthday cards and The Lego Movie. Nope, I'm still not joking. I am embracing it though. Actually, most times I end up laughing at myself in disbelief. I think though, that for whatever reason my soul has decided to weep, holds meaning. Maybe I am just becoming more sensitive to...everything...in my old(er) age. Maybe there is some scientific explanation.

  I prefer to look at it like, every single day our spirits are dragged through the wringer. Our planet. Our universe. Our existence, be it the first or the 51st time around. We see heartache, pain, misfortune and fear everyday. So to wake each morning and glance to the sky and thank your version of God for one more chance to experience a miracle, well that makes me joyful in spite of the former. So I'm now learning to embrace what these emotions look like on me today. There is actually something comforting and soothing when your emotional insides come flying out of your eyeballs! lol Believe it or not, in making peace with this outpouring from within, there is much satisfaction and pride. I am proud to be exactly who I am on this day. At least that's the version of me talking today. Whoever shows up tomorrow, that's ok too. 

 I hope that you will laugh today. I hope that you will cry today. I hope that if who you feel like today shows no resemblance of what others or even yourself expected, you just walk right around strutting your stuff anyhow. As long as truth and kindness are at the drivers seat then put the pedal to the metal. You won't always be appreciated. You certainly will not always be understood. You may even confuse and frustrate yourself. Just be kind. Always be kindhearted. 

  As for me, I believe in the cliche of LOVE IS LOVE. I can say it with assertion because i live it each and every day. I have loved two different people in very similar ways with no regrets. Lessening that in any way would be a discredit to each of those loves, in which much joy, growth and beauty has emerged. I have loved several versions or myself without hesitation any longer too. How saddening it is to me, that some feel it is better to dismiss love in ANY form due the shape it has taken within ones life. Making twisted and ugly, something that deserves glorification and fireworks and celebration. I am blessed that somehow one day I awoke and  felt a peacefulness rising out of me. There is no other explanation but only to say, as if beside myself, i sat arm in arm granting permission to be ok. Just to be O.K. 

(PS, I am crying right now writing this)

 Be well and cry often! :) 

If Nothing More, I Have Pictures

 I have fallen behind and instead of going back 2 weeks worth and catching you up to date, Ive decided to skip the last 2 weeks entirely. Vanished. Gone. Never existed. As I type the words I know I'm basically full of shit. We all know Ill start and inevitably begin writing about how the 4th of July holiday weekend spent in Saratoga was uneventful yet, relaxing. That last weekend we took a spontaneous trip to the beach with the girls (the girls here referring to Paris and her bestie). How we finally spent the day on Sunday chatting, sushi creating and hanging at the girls house (the girls HERE referring to MY bestie and her W2B). Anyhow, there was still plenty of food snapshots and playful pics to fill a blog post. Instead of overwhelming you though, I thought Id summarize by way of said pictures. A blog by photo! What could be better?! 

 Circa 2 weeks ago...there was farmers market food, walking, talking and sunshine in the park. Saratoga is by far one of our favorite resting spots on earth. The market was especially fortunate for us this time around. Although we have already experienced the delicious vegan friendly food that is the gentlemen duo of Vital Eats, this time around their lunchbox inspired us to inquire about a certain catering job we need to hire for come next June. As it turns out, they do. And they will! We have started the ball rolling by email and phone with these culinary masters, of not only palate pleasing health food but, gorgeous plates of art! We are so very excited to be able to spread the word about the Vital Eats business and to share the goodness with our special guest list next year. Be sure to check them out, either by way of Facebook page, website or (what i highly recommend) stopping by their market table at Saratoga Famers Market. Go for the lunch box! You get a taste of a few choices all in one cute little to-go. 

GF falafels over red slaw, kale and a watermelon and cucumber salad

 During this trip we wandered to the opposite end of Henry Street and discovered the memorial that was designed by Saratoga Arts using steel from the World Trade Center. A truly breathtaking site. 

 If you've never tried the natural springs of Saratoga, its a must. Depending on which you stumble upon, there are highly sulfur-esque ones (aka smelly rotten water...but good for you!) and this mineral one. A much less intense, mild spring that to me is like drinking Pellegrino from a fountain. Yum! Very cool little part of Saratoga Springs and refreshing too! Check out this handy guide to the 

17 Springs of Saratoga.

 Once we landed back home the days continued on like a typical week for us. Food, family time and fun. As well as a friend or two. And now, a story by way of photos. 

A week night dinner made by the little lady herself

A farm fresh inspired citrus fennel salad

Homemade iced coffees...take that Dunkin! :)

A ridiculously organized fridge...yes, I'm in heaven

A good morning always begins here

 Our spontaneous trip to the beach. Of course it must result in adorable pics of children covered in sand and waves, sunshine shots of your loved ones and big hat Hollywood glam selfies!

Sunday sushi with our girlie friends. All handmade by us.

Cali's~sweet potato~smoked salmon~shitake

Our loot we scored at the Clinton Book Fair on the Green

The delight of a Young Living delivery is always picture worthy

The new Mary single is out! Noteworthy in of itself. Just saying!

A beautiful pre birthday surprise from the M(inlaw)2B. Garnet mala beads and the delightful tasty treats of Katie Callahan. Our official wedding baketress!

The little lady showing off her Saratoga Skate Park tee. We had a blast checking out the tricksters and boarders at the 2014 Skate Jam thanks to Belinda and Benj. 

  And that about sums it up folks. Hope everyones current weekend has been fabulous and the week ahead just as wonderful! Be well. Be safe. Be strong. Tread light. Take deep breaths. Keep smiling. (I'm pretty sure Ive helped that last one along by now...) That's ok I encourage healthy laughter no matter what the cause.

Real Food, Its What I Eat (and Happy Boom Boom Day)

 Happy Independence Day everybody! What's beginning as a cooler New York morning is sure to eventually turn into a beautiful sunny day. Despite the few storms we have seen lately, the warmth is here to stay and were hoping a little less humidity ahead. We have been missing our little lady of the house due to her first week long summer camp excursion! From the pictures posted by camp counselors it looks to us like there is nothing but smiles and good times. We certainly can't wait to see her yet even more so, are anticipating the wonderful stories she has to share. 
 As some of you may already know, Ive taken a bit of a hiatus on the employment scene. Although this is temporary (and quite honestly, just a fortunate opportunity to develop and try to get a new baby business off the ground), it has been well received at home. More time to spend on home and taking caring of myself...a much needed job right now. Over dinner one night this week, the W2B commented (half joking, half not so much) "I'm sort of liking this working part time thing for you...maybe we should consider this for a while". Darling, isn't she?:) The thing is, me not working is translating into home duties being done, weekly shopping kept up, gorgeous healthy meals prepared and every evening left open to family time and plenty of daylight left for skateboarding! But lets backtrack a minute, shall we? Meals. Now, some of you may be thinking, big whoop! So she is staying home playing all domesticated lady like, taking care of her family like the rest of us do too. YOU'RE RIGHT! The truth is, I know what its like to work full time, raise a child, keep a home clean and fed and running smoothly. Doctor appointments at 7am, late for work and errands squeezed in between after school activities and a respectable bedtime. And that's without family dinnertime in the equation. Here's MY truth. At this particular moment in my life...in my family's life...we are blessed to all take a deep breath, pursue a few dreams and live a little lighter for a bit. "Sometimes you just can't put a price on these things", someone recently said to me. This is so very true. We are living our life for today. This very moment looks and feels as it does because we choose to honor it for exactly how it appears. We try to live simply. Not a lot of excess. Sometimes i feel I'm being trite saying that, when I look around my home and my life and see so much more than what some have. I am not really a materialistic gal. I could live without "stuff" tomorrow if need be. I am teaching my daughter that although we do have things others may not, we should never take it for granted. Change is constant. Last year I was sleeping in a double bed with my "all legs and arms" child, sharing one room in my mothers 2 bedroom trailer. Everything we owned (which was purged considerably) was in a 10x10 box 5 miles away. Locked up for a year collecting cobwebs. I woke up everyday trying to remind myself how blessed we were to have dear loving family to take us in and freely give not only physical space but, mental and emotional space as well. 
 Ive gone off rambling now...(big surprise). Refocusing...
 Ah yes. The best part lately for us, the meals!!! We love to eat! I mean, shamelessly love food! My family will make a list and plan a "menu" for a weekly dinner. Now that half the family is a little further away, the big shindigs don't happen as often but, the love of creating something aesthetically beautiful on a plate meant for nourishing our bodies gives me such joy! Of course I want it to taste great too. With our recent membership in a local CSA, we have truly begun to have a blast when it comes to planning our meals. Yes, having more time gives me such freedoms. I am thoroughly enjoying and not taking for granted my current fortuitous circumstances. 
 So now, LETS EAT! 

 My sister said to me this week, after receiving a picture of a dinner I made, "You should add your food to your blog...its so beautiful sissy". Followed by a bold, "SERIOUSLY". :) Well, I took her SERIOUSLY and figured, why the heck not?! I love to write. I love to cook. I love to take pictures. Seemed like a no brainier. Ive decided to try out a version of an idea I see from time to time around some of my favorite blogs, using the "a week of" blog tradition for my meal sharing. 
 So, ladies and gents, here is my first attempt at the novel idea. 

MY WEEK OF MEALS (or REAL FOOD, ITS WHAT I EAT)

 Last weekend we spent another (of many and not the last) beautiful couple days in Saratoga. We can not say enough about our love of this town. The like-minded, the friendly, the charismatic, the energy level. Its like a town size adaptagen. Whatever you need for the day...whatever your spirit is craving, Saratoga delivers it to you wrapped in a pretty bow. Somehow it is city and nature feel rolled into one. Every corner has its own energy. Within four blocks we passed a grassroots style band and washboard quintet, complete with two lazy dogs sleeping peacefully on the busy sidewalk. We walked further to hear a young man in his teens playing a guitar for dollar bills, while just ahead at the next street was a beautiful violinist serving a daily dose of sidewalk classical scores. All this and the largest crowds gathered for the day were for a young magician grabbing and keeping passersby attention with his humble yet effectively mesmerizing act. Did I mention how much we LOVE Saratoga? In between our walks down Broadway, our breaks on the blanket in Congress Park and our 2 visits to Northshire Bookstore (both of which we sat for an hour and accumulated a bag full of new books), we ate our way through the towns delicious healthy offerings. 

 Saturday morning farmers market in town. Sunday Spa outdoor market at the Lincoln Baths. Four Seasons health food store and cafe and that's not including the endless choices of restaurants teeming with choices, even for us health conscious, gluten free, no meat eaters. We also prefer local fare and there is no shortage of that here! 

 With no further ado, here is our weekend in food. What Ive chosen to share is (left top and clockwise) 

A Saratoga Springs farmers market breakfast of spinach and veggie scrambled eggs along side (our juice savior while away from our baby Breville) a Clarity Juice. *Ive taken the time to attach a link here because we absolutely love this gal and her cause. Look her up and please stop to visit her at the markets! I even posted below a snapshot of her recent bit of local fame:) 

 A beautiful (and one of my favorites of the weekend) outdoor vegan buffet lunch by 4 Seasons like none other can do. My plate included cold marinated rice noodles, tomato topped polenta wedges, hijiki salad, kale and pineapple rice with a side cup of gazpacho. Holy goodness! Then came our nice mini fiesta served up by locals at Cantina, where we dined on a tuna tar tare over yucca chips (not pictured), corn breaded avocado tacos and the spicy shrimp burrito bowl. Ole! 

 Then we returned home! I absolutely love cooking and preparing meals. Here is some of the proof.

Homemade sushi rolls-sweet potato maki & smoked salmon with avocado by moi. The seaweed salad and kani salad were takeout however, i hope to be trying them myself soon too.

                                   

 Just a lite afternoon tapas inspired plate i thought looked purty. Brie and Fontina cheeses with an olive medley and roasted seaweed strips. Also, I can't forget the Moroccan Mint Green Tea by HonestTea, one of my favorites in summer.

Max said "oooo fancy shmancy" to this dinner yet, it was the furthest from! My first gazpacho-a watermelon jalapeno soup-with pumpkin seed rice, lemon tilapia and steamed broccoli. (there happens to be a story behind the soup though, I like to call the "jicama hiccup". Feel free to track me down and ask. HINT horseradish root is not a thing like jicama)

 A good ole last minute throw together gone delicious! Spinach, basil and cheese quesadillas topped with black beans, tomatoes, greek yogurt, shredded napa cabbage and a salsa verde. 

These were a weeknight dessert surprise for my lady. They were just titled "raw balls" but I feel they are deserving of a much grander name. With walnuts, dates, almond chucks, nut butter, cacao, maple syrup and coconut...I may just start calling them Nirvana! :) 

 Here's wishing you all a fantastic fireworks show and fabulous weekend! If you're in Saratoga, stop by one of the farmers markets or walk down Broadway into Congress Park. I'm sure you'll see us there! Later happy folks!